


For Just One Moment to be Bold and Naked at Your Side

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: Scenarios de par Liaisons [5]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-21
Updated: 2011-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-27 17:27:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/298258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was still a chance to save both their souls.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Just One Moment to be Bold and Naked at Your Side

**Author's Note:**

> This is #5 in the Scenarios de par Liaisons series. It was always meant to be a quadrilogy but my friend Anna wanted me to write another scenario so I did. It's not in order and falls somewhere in the middle of the first four. The title comes from the George Michael song, Father Figure.

"I need to go home."

He didn’t want to say it but there was no point in beating around the bush. Lying to her was unacceptable. All of this was unacceptable but he couldn’t stop. They couldn’t stop.

"Well I surely didn’t think you were walking over to the window to enjoy the view."

"Can I...?"

"There's a washcloth and towel on the shelf above the toilet."

Emily's voice sounded mechanical in her ear. They hadn’t been doing this long but once was too much. It was everything she ever desired, but for less than a moment, and then it was pure hell. It didn’t matter if his marriage was beyond repair; that didn’t make her any less of a whore.

She turned in bed, watching Hotch's back as he looked out of her bedroom window onto the nation's capital. He was naked...she might have smiled about that if he belonged to her. Well, he did belong to her in almost every sense of the word except the one that mattered.

"Aaron..."

"I don’t want to go." he spoke so quietly she had to struggle to hear him. "You shouldn’t be alone tonight."

"Neither should your wife."

"Why do you always...?" He turned around.

"Go home, Hotch. Get in the shower, gel your hair, put on your spiffy suit, and go home to Haley. You belong with your family."

Emily turned her back to him and closed her eyes. He would feel some kind of untouchable Hotch guilt about it for a moment or two and then get in the shower. They'd been here before. She wasn’t going to watch him leave, that's for sure. That was the part that felt like someone was stabbing her in the heart.

Emily told herself, if she told herself once she did a million times, she was never going to be back here again. To make matters worse, she loved the man. She really thought she was over being stupid. Perhaps it was a lifetime trait. This vicious cycle had to stop. The ride was spinning out of her control.

Hotch slid back between her warms sheets, spooning against her. Emily quivered when he kissed across her shoulders and down her spine. She wanted to push him away, insist that he leave...they couldn’t and shouldn’t be doing this. But the pull was too strong, it was so damn strong. The way he touched her skin; he knew her deeply. He knew her thoughts, her feelings, and she hated him for it.

He turned her in his arms, his kiss passionate. Emily's leg slid up his and Hotch was inside her again. They rolled on the mattress, him on top of her. He wanted to love her, fuck her, possess her, and be with her...even if it was all a figment of his imagination. The look on her face when they made love, and yes they were making love, always fascinated him. The long story inside her dark eyes was one Hotch couldn’t stop reading.

When you knew Emily she couldn’t hide her feelings from you. And he knew her; Hotch knew her deep. He knew where to touch her, where to kiss, nibble, and bite. He knew she would grip his hips, arch her back, and cry out his name. She knew that sometimes she asked him to fuck her. Sometimes she wouldn’t say a single word. But she didn’t have to, because he knew.

It was about more than sex, it always had been. That was the scary part. Since that first night they kissed and she rejected him, Hotch knew he had to be a part of her life. He knew he had to be in her bloodstream, as she was already in his.

It was a sin, a dirty sinful sin but he couldn’t help himself. He was drawn to Emily, her light and darkness; to her intensity. It was impossible to push those feelings aside. Hotch tried; he fought, he prayed, and he even walked away. They kept coming back to this place.

There were moments when Emily opened herself to him, not sexually, but fully. Hotch could only open himself in return. Each step was just another step closer to each other. The result was inevitable. Wrong, but so inevitable. He didn’t seem to feel alive anymore without her energy running through him.

But there was someone else he was supposed to be with tonight. What kind of man was he if he didn’t even try? And there was Jack. He loved and cherished his son. This would only serve to hurt all of them. Hotch always used to think he was weak; now he knew he was right.

“Oh God, oh my God…Emily. Emily, Emily, ohhh Emily.”

“Aaron.” His name came out in a cracked whisper as Emily closed her eyes. Sometimes the force of his gaze was too much to bear. _Hail Mary full of grace, the lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Dear God, forgive me. Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me_.

She whimpered, pulling him closer as they both began to fall. Hotch found her clit, felt it pulse and contract against his fingers.

“Aaron! Aaron! My God!”

Emily was gone, taking Hotch with her as she slid down and then flew through the blackness. He cried out and his body trembled as he let go of everything building inside of him. Hotch wasn’t sure if the sound coming from Emily’s throat as they shared their third climax of the night was pleasure or pain. So he just held on as the waves of ecstasy reached the peak, crested, and then passed.

There was nothing he could do but collapse on top of her in exhaustion. They were both breathless and shivering. Hotch tried to kiss her but Emily turned her face away from him. He buried his face in the crook of her neck instead. Her heartbeat was pounding against his as she matched Hotch shallow breath for shallow breath.

“Please leave.” She whispered so softly he could hardly hear her.

“I can't quite hear you, baby.” He looked at her, stroked her cheek.

“Please leave, Hotch. Get off me, get in the shower, and just go home.”

He nearly flinched at the sting of her words. It wasn’t what Emily said, that was bad enough. It was the feelings that must have made her do so. All Hotch could do was what she asked. He slowly pulled his body away from hers, climbing out of the bed.

Emily turned away from him again as he collected his clothes from the chair and went into the bathroom. She sucked up the tears, damning a few that fell anyway. She got out of bed too, dressing in the Hanes tee shirt Hotch left at the bottom. Emily lit a clove from her cigarette case on the nightstand and inhaled deeply. Looking out the window, she could see it had started to rain hard. The spring warmth created fog.

She couldn’t see any of the landmarks she usually saw from this height and distance. Everything was so quiet; Emily could only hear the buzz in her head and the rain. It seemed as if the shower wasn’t even breaking through the bricks and barbed wire she was building around herself. She couldn’t ever let him come back there. She knew that and didn’t care how much it hurt.

Doing this again would just hurt more. Hotch was never going to leave his wife and Emily wouldn’t ask him to. Whatever he and Haley were going through, they needed to work it out. Hotch was a ‘work it out’ guy. He wasn’t an unfaithful guy. There was still a chance to save both their souls.

Hotch came out of the bathroom fully dressed and stared at her back. He could see the smoke filtering from one of her cloves. It was a nightly ritual; he’d become so well-versed in her rituals. He wasn’t sure if Emily could see his reflection in the window. The room was dark with the bathroom light now out but there was a dim light in the hallway through the open bedroom door.

He found it difficult to breathe, to move, and he surely didn’t know what to say. Hotch never knew what to say when he was leaving. Even if they just lay in each other’s arms, leaving was always the hardest part. It was even worse than the next morning. The tension in Emily’s shoulders was obvious and he wanted to take it away. That was a bit difficult since he was the cause of it.

Sighing, Hotch just turned and walked away. He walked down the hall and then the steps. When he got to the bottom, he stopped again. He couldn’t do it…couldn’t leave that way. Who could just walk away from someone they cared for like that? It was heartless and cruel. That wasn’t the kind of man he was.

Hotch was unsure just what kind of man he was anymore but he wasn’t that kind. He turned and went back up the stairs, walking back into the bedroom. Emily hadn't moved from her place in front of the window. She was still smoking her clove and watching the rain fall. Slowly, Hotch came up behind her, pressing a kiss on her shoulder. She trembled from his touch.

“Goodnight.” He whispered.

“Goodnight, Aaron.”

“I’m…”

There were probably a million things to say. Each one sounded both right and wrong filtering through his mind. There was so little they could do to make this right. This part wasn’t supposed to feel good…they were supposed to hurt. It was wrong. That didn’t make leaving her any easier.

He thought it would but it never did. So Hotch sucked the words back in. He didn’t know how much longer he could keep doing that. Walking away was getting harder and harder. It wasn’t for the reasons Emily thought it was either.

This was all about to come to a head, he could feel it. The explosions weren't just happening inside him anymore. They were everywhere; he and his wife both knew it. Emily knew it as well. When this was over, no matter how it went, people would be hurt. People he loved would be hurt.

“I'm sorry.” The words slipped out before Hotch could stop them. He rushed out of the room, down the stairs and out of the condo.

“I know you are.” Emily replied, knowing that no one was there to hear her.

***


End file.
